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The Queen of Hearts

I had one of those magical moments recently where the universe presents a gift unexpectedly.  I had just spent the morning dancing at the Sunday morning Ecstatic Dance in Oakland, which is a fantastically joyful place to explore and celebrate motion and dance with a supportive and amazing community. Ecstatic Dance is one of those special places where magical moments and special experiences happen frequently. The best I can explain is that with all the dance and joy, it is easy to have ones heart open to the unexpected.  That, and it attracts a special community that is rich in gifts for the world.

Walking off the dance floor with a friend we found a card left behind by some other dancer.  It was the Queen of Hearts.  Looking at it my heart soared with joy because it is one of the best articulations I’ve encountered for a useful insight into life.  The Queen of Hearts is two faced, and so it is critical to read all the text on the card as the magic is in the difference between the two statements.

I could try to describe all the thoughts the card triggers for me, but I’ll mostly let it speak for itself.  The one thought I want to share is that the way the card is presented eloquently captures the way that we are dynamic feedback systems.  While we like to think in logical causal chains (X causes Y, fun leads to love, etc) that is not how we function. A dynamic feedback system is not casual, but is in constant balance/tension with itself.  It is important to look at what energy or emotion is being feed into the system and think about how it affects the dynamic.

I’ve recently been showing this card to a number of friends who have come to me with sad hearts as they contemplate separating from their spouses (really, its been a rush of separations lately!)  A pattern I see repeating in many of these situations is that once a relationship has fallen on hard times and the couple stops having fun together, the love slowly fades. The challenge is that many couples then focus on “the problem” or “what is wrong” with the relationship.  This rarely seems to help as they just get locked into an antagonistic battle trying to push each other towards different “solutions.”

Rather, the most successful couples I’ve seen focus on celebrating what works for them. They focus on the joy they can share, and the fun they can have, and the success each has.  They celebrate their partners’ joy, just for the pleasure of seeing each other joyful.  It seems that profound changes can come, not by fixing something, but by changing the dialog.  If the energy going into the relationship can shift towards love and fun, the dynamic will start changing and feedback on itself in a positive direction.

So, to whoever made this Queen of Hearts and left it at Ecstatic Dance — a BIG hearty THANK YOU.  Its been a gift that I keep sharing, because there is some much of value in this one simple piece of paper.

Posted in Joy.

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3 Responses

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  1. ashley says

    Hah, great story about random inspiring notes. Reminds me of antics I did in high school like scattering 100 scraps of paper saying “tell it like it is”. I should resume such antics. Speaking of not being afraid of being a bit of a kid as an adult (something we all know vytas is awesome at) this post also reminded me of this tell it like it is, fun is the way, don’t forget how to find love xkcd:

    So, thanks to you and to the heart maker leaving person!

  2. Kareina says

    Thank you so much for sharing this!

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  1. Done re-writing earlier posts! – BeingHuman linked to this post on April 10, 2010

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